The Wall
Real secrets, Chechi's real replies — published only with the writer's consent.
How this works: Every secret here was shared voluntarily by someone who chose to publish it. Names, details, and anything identifying are removed before anything appears. Chechi reads every submission — what you see has been through her hands.
"I've been seeing someone for four months. Everything feels right except one thing — I still feel lonely when I'm with them. I don't know if that's me or the relationship."
Chechi replies
That specific loneliness — the kind you feel in company — is worth sitting with carefully. It can mean you haven't fully let someone in yet (which is about you, and understandable). It can also mean the person you're with doesn't quite meet you where you actually are. Those two things require different responses. Pay attention to whether you feel seen or invisible in the small moments. That's usually where the answer lives.
— Chechi
"I stayed in a relationship for two years past when I knew it wasn't right, because I was terrified of being alone. Now I'm out and I'm still terrified of being alone. I don't know how to fix this."
Chechi replies
You haven't failed a test — you've identified something real about yourself, which most people never do. The fear of aloneness usually lives underneath a story we've been telling ourselves about our own worth. Being alone felt like proof of something. What's worth asking now isn't 'how do I fix this fear' but 'what is this fear telling me about what I believe about myself?' That's where the work is — and it's gentle work, not punishment.
— Chechi
"I've been talking to someone new after a really hard year. It scares me how much I already like them. I keep waiting for something to go wrong."
Chechi replies
That anticipatory dread after heartbreak is your nervous system doing its job — it remembers the last time and it's trying to protect you. The fact that you like them this much isn't a sign something will go wrong. It's just what being open to someone feels like, and it's always been this terrifying. Try to stay in the actual present, not the imagined future. What's true right now?
— Chechi
"He kept saying I was 'too much' and I actually started to believe it. Then I watched him date someone else and give her everything he said he couldn't give me."
Chechi replies
'Too much' is almost never about you. It's what someone says when they don't want to do the work of meeting someone — easier to call you excessive than to say 'I'm not willing to show up for this.' You weren't too much. He was, for you. I'm sorry that took seeing it with someone else to become visible.
— Chechi
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